he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
