Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize