is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
