There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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