Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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