hotel room ftw
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
