I wanna passion pit in your ass
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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