Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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