My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
