break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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