Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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