She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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