May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
