If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
