I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
