jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
