I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
