All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
