you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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