Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
