Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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