How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
