I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
