College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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