better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
