Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize