All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
