The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
