I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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