so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
