I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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