I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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