Having a random hookup so left but love u
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
