Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
