You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
