My first STD was from a foam party
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
