i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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