Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
