i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
