I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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