Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
