I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
