The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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