I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
