Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
