ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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