Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
