You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize