You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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