Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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