the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize