i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
