Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
