Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
