I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
