If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
