Swine flu. Run for my life!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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