You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
