Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
