When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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