There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
