My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
