two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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